Ok.... a lot of poat run togeter deal wit it ..

tues oct 25
Does anyone else hate fire drills? Thats me jumping up and down the back and waving my arms. As ironic as this sounds, since I would like to be a fire fighter , these things are really really dumb. Honestly, if you were to stay in a building with the alarm blaring you should jsut stay in there and burn . Really, because that sound is truly annoying and very obnoxious. The reason for this is that earlier today we had one in our dorm, and there is no way that anyone could possibly sleep through that alarm. Now, I wasnt asleep at the time but several seem to stumble out that were and in plenty of time. So in all honesty I really don't think they serve a purpose. The only one they might is that of getting a head count and most of the time in schools or other wise no one truly knows how many were there . They only has estimations. Like Sunday for instance, the fire alarm went off in the Philidelphia Eagles stadium. Now, it was a false alarm but had it been I'm sure that even if highly choatic everyone would have made it out. They came in a door somewhere , they can find one out. All this talk about fire realted things brings up my quest to possible transfer to the Amarillo College fire protection program. Yeah I would have a lot of the core part done even if I transfered at the semester, since classes in college are by each semester in case you didnt know that. I would mainly have to take lab sciences and start taking my basic fire fighter classes. Then in about a year and a half or two years i would get my AAS degree than on to the fire academy in Amarillo. Wow that would be such a cool job and carrer. I could see myself doing that not only because I have always wanted to be one , but I would love a job where I knew I was making a difference. The only thing that really puts a samll damper on the situation is living arangements . I would have to get an apartement and proabably a rommate but I dont think that , that would be to hard. I know some guys that would probably consider it. But one thing I know is I don't feel as confused and scared as I did when I was making a decesion on post high school plans. This seems to give me a direction , a goal to work towards you know. Right now, I'm just sitting here like I said before , and this would give me motovation and focus. But well see, see where the wind takes me .
"Show me someone who doesn't dream about the future and I'll show you someone who doesn't know where they are going"
Oct 27
Alright , I knw this is goign to sound totally pointless. Maybe it won't we will just have to see. But here goes: Math class is dumb. No really, it is. Out of all the classes I took in high school and the ones that I am taking now that class has the least practical application of all of them . Now don't get me wrong you do need math even just basic algebra , but as far as Algbera 2 and higher maths go, nope no point what so ever. I mean when are you ever going to need to know the logarithmic function of a line out in the real world. I am not going to be an engineer or a mathmetican , so who cares! The state should change the core cirriculm for college so that you had to take these maths only if your major really required it. Since I have no major , instead of a math I would take classes in feilds that intrest me instead of sitting in a math class wasting my time. I mean take yesterday for instance all my instructor rambled on about was finding f at x. He did this for almost a straight hour, no fun. Here, whats next on my list. Ah , something thats seriously freaks me out. When I don't have class , today for instance I sleep in , not real late but around 10:20ish or so. I always get up and naturally I want to go take pee down the hall in the bathroom. But so far , it hasn't failed once, I have had to wait. Why is that you ask? Because we have one freaky female janitor in our building. I have never seen anyone take that long to clean a bathroom. Ever. Really. I think she just cleans in there slowly to see if we are willling to come in there and get our bussiness taken care of while she is in there. No I dont think so . I'm not stripping but naked in front of some old lady for I can just take a shower. Nor am I going to take apiss with her in there either . Seriuosly , this freaks me out a lot. Something else came up yesterday that might be working aginst me, its somethign to do with some money but I am going to do the best of my ability to get it taken care of. Well thats about it for right now, I was going to post yesterday but I deciced not to since I had pledge court and all. Thats where all the new memebers of Kappa Alpha get to go and learn about the customs and such of hte Order. Sometimes kind of boring but this is how the training of each new member occurs. So that being said had to be there last night.Oh yeah, I am like really super , you don't even understand excited about next friday. We have our fall formal dinner at the Amarillo Club and I have a beautiful date ;) . No , really. Its going to be a lot of funa nd I can't wait to go.
Oct 31
Okay, so this was quite the interesting weekend. The second in arow in fact. Well, since I didn't have to work until Saturday this week , I decided to go job hunting Thursday, like I woke up and said "I really need a new job.." don't really know why that came into my head but it did, so dont argue with that. But I went and applied several places and the next day had an interveiw at Circuit City and now I have a job there..so what's this leading up to..I put in my notice at Cold Stone. Yeah, it pretty much just wasn't cutting on money per hour or the hours that I needed to work. CC seems like it will be great, $7.50 an hour , heck yes, I'll most def take it. But the ironic thing about working now at an electronics store is that my effin laptop has decided that it doesn't want the keys tow work, I thought I got it fixed but now just the two middle keys, g and h for those of you who are checking , wont work . I'm talking this is super gay , cause I had to com over here to the computer lab and type my English paper. But that's about it for now, probably have more tomorrow I just got catch some z's
Nov1

Alright kids, here it goes for the day .. yeah until i get some money to fix my laptop , ia m stuck using the computer lab here at school to do most of my typing and all such nonsense. This really sucks , cause I really enjoy IMing you people and its just not happening right now. But yeah anyways , its Tuesday , which means that first and coolest today I don't have class which gave me such much needed sleep this morning . But I really didn't stay up that late last night , or at least it didn't fell like it , probably like 1:30 ish or something , I was on the phine tell like 11:45 so it was probably arounf there. ( Not that yall really care when I went to sleep) . The thing that sucks about it being Tuesday is that tomorrow is Wensday , which means I have pledge court for KA, and tomorrow I for sure have to have the defintion of a gentleman memorized . I really don't see the point in this I know what it means and I don't fell like I really have commit it to memory. But oh well.. Its gotta get done so this it well maybe.HaHa. I didn't do anything for Halloween last night because I never really do , its jsut something I really have never gotten into for some reason or the other . I just don't get the holiday I guess , so all I did yesterday was go to class from 6:00 to about 8:30 ish and went home called my parents and Kelsey and that was how I spent Halloween 2005. Yeah sounds boring I know , but both converstions on the phone were great which is highly unusal for me . I like talking to my parents when they can be civil and not just angry and yelling at me all the time on the phone. And I really enjoyed the conversation , I had with Kelsey as well, as I did the last two nights before that as well.....But anywho..thats about it for now..so later kids...
Nov 4

Well so here it is the start of antoher little tid bit in this thing we call life, (or in short a new post) ...so here goes ...well now we are offically 32 minutes into Friday and that my friends make me truly happy. Why do you ask? Well first of all its friday which means its the end of the week, which is awesome , you really can't beat that with a stick . Second it means today that I only have two classes , yeah thats right kid count em' only two classes, i only have to suffer trough 100 minutes of History and English than im done for the rest of the entire day, is that is the sound of great jubliation that you hear in the disatnace. Third , but not least by all means , it means at 6:20 this evening I will be picking up my amazing and beautiful date and heading off to fall pres. This one kids I have been waiting for , for about a week and a have so can we say that I'm just a little excited. . ...Yes not only will the dinner be great and we get a great view of Amarillo, but I finally get to see her again after like talking to her for the last five days every night on the phone for at least two hours , Tuesday night it was four , so basicaly as you can tell we both like to talk and about anything really..but talking to her on the phone... surely it does not do her justice my friends, no no , but seeing her agian in person will be awesome.Well thats about it kids off to watch a little more tv and then I crash until that alarm bell rings in just a few short hours....
Nov 7

Sometimes I just don't get it..this whole "life" thing . Yeah I know it sounds cliche' or whatever but it really confuses me so badly. Recently , fro instance, I really have felt nothing and seem to be apathetic about everything. The only thing that I look forward to each day is talking to Kelsey (as pathetic as this sounds) cause no matter what is on my mind she will listen to it , reagardless of how stupid and insignificant it might really be. Not only does she listen to me but I get to listen to her and all the beauty just in her voice. I love listening to her dreams, ideas and just about her day , anyting really in which she proves how truly amazing she is. Sometimes, okay all the time I wish that I were talking to her each night in person, I would get to see her , see her smile at me and somehow get that feeling that everything is alright. It would make our convoserstions more complete and filling then they already are. This whole thing might not seem all that instersing to you or such a big deal , but up until the last week or so I hated , really hated, talking on the phone, but now I have finally tamed my fear I guess and talked for literlly hours on the phone with her.Am I in love again? Maybe. But love is a word and an emotion not to be taken lightly or tossed into the air like a feather , for it might blow away. But I know that I do like her a lot and absoulty love talking to her. This so far is the only true feeling I guess you can say I have felt in such a long, long while. Everything else jsut seems null and void, useless to me. I have become almost emotionaly numb to everyhitng else. The things I do feel anything for are to the extreme, like there is a lot of things that I oh so hate right now. For instance school . I love the whole overall experince here but in the end it seems I have no goal , and nothing that I am working towards. The whole concept of academia right now makes me feel like I am going to puke , which I may well. Another thing that is driving me nuts right now is televison blaring and loud and just on in our dorm rom all the damn time. My rommate, yes I am pointing fingers here leaves it on either Comedy Central or FX all the time and we watch reruns of reuns all the time and it truly is an insult to my intellengence. I hate that I am disorgainzed. Nuff said there. I hate where my walk is at with God and that no matter how hard I pray that I seem to get no answer or guidance or direction. I also hate being out of the loop with my family , not being there and expected to now what is going all the time in a town and household all the way across the state. But in spite of all that I feel that Amarillo/Canyon is where i am supposed to be at this time in my life, somewhere deep inside I feel it and I think my time in the Texas Hill Country is through for now. This is mainly because I dont think that any of the realtionships and friendships I have formed here are on accident and that they all have some reson that they are in my life and I in their's. I cant wait until tonight when I get to talk to her on the phone again and to hear about her day .
.....and lastly I love falling asleep on the phone with you knowing that you will be in my dreams and hopefully I in yours.....
Nov 14

So yeah its been about a week since I've updated so I deciced that I better. Here goes....well first off I started my job at Circuit City , and for the pay I'm getting it really isn't all that bad. Good thing it's not on comission , otherwise that would suck , but the two days I've been on the floor I've sold something if only a couple of things, so once I get more knowledgeable about the products I will probably be able to sell something almost every time hopefully. Even when its slow there is always something new to learn or do right now so I'm not bored which is good because I hate being bored on the job. Secondly , I found out this week that we only really have like two and a half more weeks of actual class before finals , at first this was excting but now not so much because I probably need to start looking for an apartment next semester. I hope that all goes well , and I think that is what I supposed to do because I feel that way inside. Lets see what else..
Oh! Yes .. I went to Kelsey's last night to watch the Breakfast Club since she is weird and hadn't seen it ( no she's really not weird...well not that much..) but I think she really liked it, I've seen it probably ten times so just watching it with her was awesome . That made a great movie even better !
Wednesday is going to be awesome because it is our last pledge court for KA , and Friday I will become an active so no more gay little test to take every week . Whew , you don't even understand how glad I am that it will be over since we have been doing that for the last nine weeks.
Yesterday I started reading "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" , so far I am really really liking it and seem to relate a lot to the main character in the book. Its like how my life played out the last four and a half years so thanks Kelsey for recomending it kid....
Next week Thanksgiving Break starts and my familia is coming up here since I don't get to go down there mainly due to work , thats the downside of this job right now because it sort of requires me being around for the Holidays and not back at home . I intend to talk to my manager at Circuit City to see about the break and what I need to do there.

"I wanted you to know I love the way you laughI wanna hold you high and steal your pain awayI keep your photograph; I know it serves me wellI wanna hold you high and steal your pain‘Cause I’m broken when I’m openAnd I don’t feel like I am strong enough‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesomeAnd I don’t feel light when you’re gone awayThe worst is over now and we can breathe againI wanna hold you high, you steal my pain awayThere’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fightI wanna hold you high and steal your pain" - Seether

okay so dats bascily one update for da last month and all the craziness that has seemed to happen....i really really dont know bout it all sometines , but i'll be okay.....i just freak myself out sometimes over lil crap , that i base off second hand info... but to end all of this im puttin somethin from my friends xanga...
"I guess I can't say it all. I just want someone to relate. We don't have the answers to life sometimes, and the Bible doesn't either it seems. Somethings are out of our control and we just have to sit back and go, "Jesus, dude, I suck so bad at life right now, but I know one thing is real and it's you. And I want these answers, I'm not content with Blind Faith, I want truth." And then he kinda gives you some truth and you're so in awe of what you've just been revealed that you stop, speechless and in awe. Comepletely perplexed and stunned, eyes watering and heart throbbing with that haunting feeling that, even though you just got shaken in your soul, and it hurts a little, that you must have it again"-Bobby


-Ross