short and sweet..but not sour

well here we go... haha ..well anywho im wrrting this because i'm highly excited about tomorow for I will be tracking up the the long never ending or so it seems roads of texas and will finally arrive after ten hours in Amarillo , where i have new student orietation at school..im am totally stoked about going to college its not even funny..although i know im going to have to study hard i know that i will have a good time...because it wouldn't be me if i didn't but will see how the trip goes and everything..well ..hmm thats about it today..okay put a fork in me im done..

Good morning starshine the earth says hello...

alright alright i'll post already....man had it been a weird two weeks...whoa hold on a minute its been two weeks! holy crap! what have i been doing...yeah i know that's what your all thinking and no to all of you who thought i was grounded or some such nonsense ..but anywho in the last few weeks...yeah on the tenth a day after my b-day..we went to a baseball game in round rock wich is like four hours away with the youth group..i saw this girl i had never seen before at church so i talked to her while we were at the game , and she wanted me to rife her bus back , she was on the bus with the tv's well i did and we enjoye dthe finer points of the movie ice age ...its a good thing i had already seen it if you know what I mean ***winks** , but anywho that was quite possibly the best bus ride ever and lets just leave it at that..well today i realized that in a month ...to the day i am moving into my dorm at school..so the daze is over ..well not really but we can say that ...of being out of high school..cause i mean it went really really fast, it's all kinda a blur looking back in hindsight and thinking about some of the choices i could have made right or wrong, and some of the girls i could have dated( wow that one always makes me want to kick myself..so here's a note to you all , if you get a cahnce to date someone who you think is out of your league so to speak..take the chance it will probably work out..once again i kick myself) oh some excting news wll sorta my blog finally caught up to itself and now says i have 49 post or something instead of seventeen ..which was really weird fluke i guess in the system...

i went and saw "charlie and the choclate factory" twice this last week because it was so incredibly weird the first time i had to go see it .. if your a johnny depp fan or liked the first version with gene wilder this movie is great and has a wonderful director Tim Burton i.e. Big Fish , The Nightmare Before Christmas etc...but yeah its defeintly worth the money to go see so grab that out of your leauge person as metioned above and go see it because you'll laugh and be totally tripped out at the same time..

well thats about it ..

18 candles ... jessica..and the dinosaur that took over LA

wow here i am .. in my last few hours..but no im not on my death bed..im in my last few hours of seventeen..and its kinda cool but kinda...weird.. yeah i finally get to do things ive never really wanted to do so big deal...but i do get to sign off on things without my parents wow tahts great...but besides that , I was really mad yesterday you know..at the frikin terrorists.. that bombed london, man , you know not only are you messing with us , but now there messing with our friends seriuosly uncool..but yeah that mad me mad but just pray for those injured in the attacks and the families of those who died ...but yeah , yesterday when i was at work i was talking about, okay that sounded bad, rembering somone who used to work with that was really fun to work with, and i can't say that about most people but i can about her, Jessica...and liek right after i was talking about what she used to do to make me laugh ,( im talking rolling on the ground, laughing) and she walked in , and gave me hug..it made my day really , it did , it was like th greatest thing ever...and no by the way this isnt the same girl i was talking, about in yesterdays post ...but i kinda like this girl but you know its one of those things that i'm like going to college in a month and should i establish a realtionship now ? i say proabably not although i can't convince my self of this , yeah i ahte being a romantic sometimes cause its awful tough on a person, oh yeah i was gonna tell you something i should of told yall a long time ago..but most of you already know this but MY SPURS WON !! MY SPURS WON!! yes the san antonio spurs have now join teams like the lakers, celtics, bulls, Horry has joined the elite few who have six rings, thats not very man people...and on top of that Duncan is MV-3..mvp of the playoffs for the third time...wow it was exciting ..well..and oh by the way i do live in crazy world ...its called my life

a divived man..a torn heart ?

when i origanlly wrote this post is wasn't a post it all I wort it down on paper , i was really really angry at the time and had to write something down so i could clear my head , and like i said before i was angry and in it i use some four letter words that i shouldn't have and so on and so forth ...but to not offend anyone who reads this i am going to very kindly leave a blank where the word should go ..yeah thats the end of the disclaimer

Today it suddenly hit me. I say suddenly because that's the way it happened , in just a instance. I finally realized thody that me and her will never be something more than that , two seperate things me..her .. I realized it when I showed up at the movie expecting it to be just me and her together, but she had brought some other guy to somehow be in "attendance" at our date..What the ( ) ! Did i miss the ( ) memo or something? Because i know if id a shown up with some other girl with me and i paid more attention to her than to my original date, she would be ( ) ( ) off and would probably say somthing to the eddect of " who the ( ) is she? you had no right to bring her..." But you know how things go right , its okay for her. And you know what? If I ever said anything about it she'd say like " What? I don't/can't have any other friends besides you?" She'd make me look like the bad guy, whiel she'd sit back looking pretty and feeling high and mighty . I mean it makes me so steaming mad, I wanna hit her , hard , but i can't because i wont let myself because i'm a guy she's a girl you know how it goes sorts thing. I just wish sometimes that I could stop loving her . And one might ask why do you love such a girl that would do all this to you ? Becuase in spite of all the crap she has given me , and inspite of all the times she's broke my heart , over and over again I fall in love with her. You know when she stands on her tip toes to give me a hug and looks into my eyes , and we lock glances , theres someting special , something that I've never had with someone else . And it tears me apart that in about a month , give or take a few weeks more, I will be moving ten hours away to school and I wont get to talk to her as much or see her as much, or feel the warmth of her hug. I guess that I'm at the point where I am stuck in a rock and a hardplace with myself that I will somehow have to figure out how to get out of because I think if i dont I will seriously be a divided man, if im not that already. I think i am that already , because sometimes like you can see above , i really really hate her , and sometimes i really really love her, ...my biggest fear is losing her , I can't describe it anyother way than this : when i know she's gonna go out with some guy i know is gonna hurt her and I know is gonna break her heart , I feel like im at the end of a cross country meet, my lungs are on fire I can't catch my breath , my legs feel liek jell o and i can't walk , im in a cold sweat..you knwo thats what i fell like inside when i think that she's gonna get hurt and here I am with open arms willing to love her for the beautiful person she is and yet she still fades away.....




oh and by now you have probably heard about the attacks on London pray for those there who lost people in the bombings .... http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8492258

the fourth of july...

happy fourth of july to you all! it seems that every time this time of year comes around again i'm like "wow its already that time of year again!?" , or im saying " wow i need to go do something really patriotic " but usally in all truth if that need to be heard , im saying " wow my birthday is in five days my birthday is in five days!!!!!" , yes indeed this saturday i will be eighteen years old , which really only means that i can be trued as andult and i can buy ciggarettes and play the lottery . so thats kind of scary in a way but really excitng in a lot of other ways..you know something thats weird i emailed someone i met last summer at church camp thingy..and shes hasnt emailed me back yet , its probably because I havent or she hasnt for that matter , okay okay we havent emailed each other in while so i guess I could understand why she wouldn't email me after such long period of time, but thats okay ill live , she's just one of the few people i've remembered a ceartin thing about and although i can remember many things about many people , one ting i can remember about her, and it's her eyes she had these really beautiful eyes , blue , so blue that they had almost a clear quailty about them and i had really never seen eyes like that , its just one of those things that stick with me i guess , i dont why and yall probably don't care , about some chicks eyes , yeah but anyway , so its the fourth of july and the country in 229 years old today , so thats pretty good but still pretty young but ill think well still keep going strong or at least I hope so..Im pretty sure we will , but im out of things to say ........

Why do we fall ? ...To learn to rise again

really what have i been waiting for between my previous posts ...something intersting to happen things usally are very interesting in my life i sometimes just lack the power to right it down , I jsut feel so imcompetent withe expressing myself in these hallowed halls of typing madness , that i forget that no matter how my day went there will always be something to speak my mind on some instance some glimmer in time that i could express my thoughts and feelings on it , such as today and its a quote from the new batman movie "Batman Begins" after young bruce falls down a well his dad ask him the question "Why do we fall ?...so we can learnto get back up.." what power this wonderful quote has , of all the things that stuck with in the movie that is the one that had the most profound impact, (was this movie supposed to impact me ?) But anywho think for a moment on that quote we fall to learn to rise..we have to get knocked down sometimes before we can rise to greatness..so in that sense was high school my getting knocked down , and college be my rising will I finally break out of the mode of daily non-profound non-impacting life, but somehow id like to think that in high school I made some kind of impact on someones life while i was there..several made one on me ill tell you that much , a lot of which are younger than me but that's a whole nother' post ..but falling down ,to learn to fall ..could also not interpet this as also taking one for the team so to speak to further advance your carrer, or your realtionships with your group as a whole? I mean in all honesty you could , I have taken the balme before for the bettermant of my soccer team , I mean if you can show others , you peers that you are willing to be humialted by a coach or a boss for they wouldn't have to they respect you a lot more i think , its a leadership builder you have to learn to take one for the tema sometimes , this qoute i could go on and on about you know it quite possibly is one of the greatest peices of script i've ever heard and ive seen dozens and maybe even hunderds of movies and plays or things of that nature, now im sure simialr lines ahve graced the screen but this one remains in my mind for some reason, it just clicked in mind that in order for me to succed in things sometimes it means im gonna have to fall flat on my face, wether that means by taking risks , or like i said ealier taking one for the team , i just have to be willing not to fall but to have the strength to rise again..yes my friends what a quote waht a qoute...wll until next time kids...

whew..its a long one grab a drink

hello out there..yeah i know i havent checked in a while becuase simply put i hve not had any time...i've been doing 40 a week at work now so it's money but you know its a lot of work..but anyway thanks for the comments on the last post its good to see those after a while...haha but from what I read everything seems to be going okay where everyone is..lets see what else can I write here..oh yeah on August 24 I have to move into my dorm which is ten hours away from my house so its gonna be maybe a little scary because the longest ive ever been by myself is like two weeks yeah i know that sounds pathetic but its true but i think ill make it..plus all the people that i know in Amarillo , which is only like 15 minutes away, will keep me well fed and moneyfied in the case that i run out of money for some God-awful reason. Hopefully , that won't happen because that would really suck.. but yeah i dont have a major this semester nor do i plan to have one next semester ..i am just gonna take the basics until I figure out what i really wanna major in / which brings up someting else I hope i like college life , because if its gonna be like high school its gonnna totally rock and then totally suck at the same time , but from waht ive heard its not , and you meet a whole new group of people , so that will be cool as well...because i might find a group of people who actually dont hate the sport I love..***( a brief side note on that i think most americans hate soccer because they don't understand the game , and its seriously not there fault though because the american public is seriously underexposed to the sport , what i know as the beautiful game they see as a little kids sport, now dont get me wrong I'm all for youth soccer ,its just that is all that the american public has seen , they have very little exposure to the pro game, and what they do have was the former WUSL , which was the womens leauge , or the old school NASL which Pele' the soccer god played in..so most americans dont hate soccer they jsut think they do)**** yeah but anywho i got a ipod mini and almost have all my cd's moved over to it and i still have a lot of space left ..so im gald i didnt buy the regualar sized one because it would seriously take me a long long long time to fill it up..id be like 50 and would be like "woohoo boogie down i finally filled up my ipod!!!" no not really but just in a hypothecical sense you know..oh yeah i saw the movie Animal House for the first time this last week and it is so so bad but so seriously funny at the same time kinda ironic isnt't , wow okay i think im gonna stop now because by this time youv got to be bored...okay stop reding now