okay so I realized somehthing about my last entry on here..its really hard to read ..sorry

if you want to read it , it is also posted at xanga.com/ross_b

yeah..so check it out
-Ross

music and life

hey kids, so I have been listening to a lot of music lately. And those of you who know me well are saying like "so what?..you always listen to a lot of music." Well a lot more than usal , because a lot of weird and wacky stuff has been going on and I'm looking for an escape I guess. Well a couple of Relient K songs have really hit home with me that last few days in where I'm at right now with God, girls, and life in general. The songs are "I So Hate Consequences " and "Overthinking" , I don't know why but I really took the time to actual here there lyrics and noticed that it was like the soundtrack to my life at this present moment. (That whole last sentence was kind of redundant..) But anyway, I thought I would share the lyrics of those songs with all yall down here.
"I So Hate Consequences"And I’m good, good, good to go I got to get away Get away from all of my mistakesSo here I sit looking at the traffic lightsThe red extinguishes the hope that the green ignitesI want to run away I want to ditch my lifeCause all of my mistakes keep me awake at nightAnd after all of my alibis desert meI just want to get byI don’t want nothing to hurt meI had no idea where my head was at But if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at thatBecause I just want for all of this to endAnd I so hate consequencesAnd running from you is what my best defense isConsequencesOh God, don’t make me face up to thisAnd I so hate consequencesAnd running from you is what my best defense isCause I know that I let you downAnd I don’t want to deal with thatIt just now hit me this is more than just a set backAnd when you spelled it out, well, I guess I didn’t get thatAnd every trace of momentum is goneAnd this isn’t turning out the way I want And after all of my alibis desert meI just want to get byI don’t want nothing to hurt meI had no idea where my head was at But if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at thatBecause I just want for all of this to endAnd I spent all last nightTearing downEvery stoplightAnd stop sign in this townNow I think there mightBe no way to stop me nowI'll get away despiteThe fact I’m so weighed downAll of my escapes have been exhaustedI thought I had a way but then I lost itAnd my resistance was once much strongerAnd I know I can't go on like this much longerWhen I got tired of running from youI stopped right there to catch my breathThere your words they caught my ears You said, “I miss you son. Come home”And my sins, they watched me leaveAnd in my heart I so believed The love you felt for me was mine The love I’d wished for all this timeAnd when the doors were closedI heard no I told so’sI said the words I knew you knewOh God, Oh God I needed youGod all this time I needed you, I needed youAnd I so hate consequencesAnd running from you is what my best defense isI hate these consequencesBecause I know that I let you downNow I don't wanna deal with that
This one the last part hit me like straight to the heart. The part that says "when I got tired of running from you.." For a long time now I think that's what I have been doing , is turning away from God and running, but now I can't go on without him. He is saying to me " I miss you son come home..." Maybe I'm a sap , but when I heard that part of the song I really in all honesty started to cry. God really spoke to me through that . Man..good stuff..

"Over Thinking"i was thinkingover thinkingcause there's just too many scenariosto analayzelook in my eyescause you're my dream please come truei was thinkingover thinkingabout exactly how i'm not exactly himi'll break my heart in twomore times than you could ever docause you're my dream please come truecause i think way too muchon a one track mindand you're so out of touchcause i'm so far behindi can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done beforeand if there's one in this world,you let me know you're not that girli was sinkinglower, sinkingcause i lost the things i held on tothey let me think a thoughta thought that i would know was notof seeing my dream come truei was thinkingover thinkingabout how far i had let this goone more guy/girl chichéi know now you're just in the wayof me and my dream come truecause i think way too muchon a one track mindand you're so out of touchcause i'm so far behindi'm trying to make senseout of all of thiswhile your fading scentjust slips through my gripi can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done beforeand if there's one in this world,you let me know you're not that girldon't touch the positive with the negative enddon't touch the positive with the negative endcause after all of the sparks you're still alone in the darkcause after all of the sparks you're left alone in the darkand while i'm able, i think i'll labelexperience with you as a mistakeand while i'm at it, i'll say i've had itexperience with you is a mistakecause i think way too muchon a one track mindand you're so out of touchcause i'm so far behindi'm trying to make senseout of all of thiswhile your fading scentjust slips through my gripi was thinkingover thinkingcause there's just too many scenariosto think aboutto figure outif you're my dream please come true
Yeah this song right here almost explains how I feel right now as far as me and relationships are going. Its all been kind of crazy lately, and I'm not to sure if maybe its a distraction , or a sign either good or bad. But most definatly it put my feelings into lyrics..
So yeah , music has been an awesome thing for this week.And if haven't heard either one of those songs..go do that cause they are awesome.
anyways..im out
-Ross

Update..or yes Ross still is alive..

I havent updated much on this blog cause..um..idk..but here are is a catch up from about two months I guess..ill try to get these on here more often.. .
So yeah its been a few so I just thought i would update...
Well first things first ...I lost my effin job yesterday morning at Circuit City . I was there for like maybe thirty minutes and my boss called me to his office and said that he couldn't work with my availbilty and that he had to let me go . Wow, really a shocker, I mean I was available five out of seven days a week , and the two days I wasn't was becuase of commitents I had made to class and my fraterintiy so , yeah that most definalty sucked.
But all of yesterday wasn't such a crap hole. No, no! After I got home I was talking to Lizzie online and she wasn't exactly havent a good day either. Well neither one of us had have very good months , so we decided to blow off some steam and go just hang out in Amarillo . So we went and just cruised the mall and Barnes and Noble and Hastings all afternoon. Man it was fun getting to hang out with her again , its been awhile since we actually have , really that was the first time since we broke up .
Also yesterday was my first chapter meeting as an active member of Kappa Alpha. So awesome I'm telling you to no longer be a pledge . It lasted only a few months , but no its over and I'm a full member. I was ininated Friday, just need to work on my grades so that I stay in "good standing " next semester.
What else, O yes ! Since i am no longer employed I might get to head down to Kerrville this week for thanksgiving. It will be cool to chill with my family and some old friends while I'm down if that happens.
I am about to go check on a job at the Activites Center on Campus @ the bowling alley just to get a little extra cash right now. I hope that my Toyota can sell in Kerrville so that i can pay off this truck and that will give me some breating room.
Lets see still single, although I was pretty sure that was gonna change last week , but its okay , I'll live but I really would like a realtoinship again .
Well until next time kidos..
Yeah so yall most definitely suck at giving comments ... no really. LOL . But it s Okay because I still love all of you . But anyway, to the real important stuff .
Yeah, last Wednesday trough Saturday I got to go home to K-Town for Thanksgiving Break . Mucho Fun ! Although I didn't see a lot of people I did get to hang out with a few and got to see my family. Yeah, seeing your family after being home once in three months is always good, really. Yeah but besides my family , I got to see Kelly, which I is always nothing short of an adventure . We took her car to get her tire fixed and it just so happened that her effin wheel could have possibly fallen off while she was driving ..lol ..so that was quite surprsing. I also ran into Tessa who I haven't seen since gradutation so , that was cool as well .I hope to see more people when I'm down there in about two weeks again. (yes our breaks are retarted I know..)
Yeah ...in case you didn't just catch that ( if anyone cares) I will be back in Kerrville probably on December 15 , for about one month then I have to head back here to Canyon to do semester dos .
Lets see...yeah got back to Canyon Sunday night and had chapter meeting for KA. Let me tell you ..excting.....but after that some of us just hung out and I went home....tried to sleep as usal ...but somehow I found out the hard way I had a stomach bug. I puked most of the night..really no fun when you have an 8 a.m. class the next morning .
But yesterday wasn't as bad as one would think , no no it was salvaged . Lizzie and I went to the mall in Amarillo, and I applied for a few jobs , trying to get on somewhere for a few weeks if I can. Lizzie was getting her hair dyed back to its normal blonde. Yeah it was black there for a while...but she's back to Lizzie again now..
But yeah ...much love...and all that jazz..
-Ross
So here I sit at the end of my first semester of college and all I have left is finals. Wow! It has gone so much faster than any semester every in high school , and trust me was a heck of a lot more fun . But as I usally do Im gonna make me a list of all the yay's and nays of my first college semester...
Great:
- Rushing Kappa Alpha Order, although it cost money I am already so glad I did rush the friendships I have formed in just three months are some of the greatest I have or will ever have.
- Dating Elizabeth- Now this will probably be on the other list as well , but dating her , even though for a short time was simply amazing, she is one of the most beautiful and amazing girls ( inside and out ) that I have ever dated, and although we are not together we are still awesome friends.
-Learning how to live on about five hours of sleep- Trust me everyone, this is a skill that takes omse work, you will learn how to do this very quickly in college. This may not be the most brillant of things to do but you sure do have lots of fun late at night.
-No one cares- By this I mean , you can be you here, you don't have to make up some shitty lie about yourself and try to be someone your not. You can be you and people respec that.
-Learning to choose wisely- took some work and on some things I didnt like sleeping instead of class, but sleep is oh so nice..
Not so greats-
-Drinking - Something I mainly did once in high school , now don't get me wrong its fun , but the reson its down here is I didnt think I would ever do it so , this one is kinda of a toss up in the middle..
- Dating Elizabeth - LOL ! Yeah I know its up top as well. But I have felt almost every god damn blasted emotion with this woman . Really..
-Quiting Cold Stone- Okay so the hours and pay werent great, but at least it was sorta steady , and Ive already had two jobs since then. Wow, lots of b/s
-Not Studying- This is the straw that broke the camels back in math , nuff said...
Well those are only some of what I can think of off the top of my head. But you know. It might be a few before I update again . But besides all of the above let me tell everyone what else has been going on.
Well, lets see a week from tomorrow I'm coming home. Heck yes! So Im getting some stuff ready to go in the next few days. Well be uber hard to get it all back in the boxes it came in but we will see. Might have to leave some at my frineds place for a month.
Been hanging out an effin lot w/ Lizzie lately. Man she cracks me up and I always almost have a blast when we hang out or take random trips to Amarillo for whatever. Last night it was chininse food, Saturday night just an excuse to do something, we went to Wal-Mart at 3 in the morning..pretty much just us there.
I have finals next week....damn damn damn..
Well...thats about it for now..i might update that list later..
-Ross
So heres the deal kidos ..finals ..yeah they start in about two hours.. bleh.. I havent been to bed yet not do I plan too until I'm done with my second test this morning..
Well lets see.. been one hell of a crazy( yes I know I just made that phrase up..) last few days and it all sorta blends together so I'll try to make it sound like seperate days , so lets see Thursday night.. .what did I do thursday? Well I know I worked but Im pretty dran sure that I did something after that ...no strike that it was dead day so I didn't do anything that I remember.. hmm..okay well I probably bitched a whole lot about having to work the next day..no wait that just trigged in my mind what I just did..no I didn't work I deciced to play a little hookie..my truck was acting like crap anyway give me a break.. so I just watched king of the hill and helped Lizzie move a whole bunch of stuff to her new dorm room..crazy eh?
Friday..friday I did work , I know I did.. becuase yeah I just did and it sucked big huge..yeah you get the point..it was just plain sucky suckiness all around for everyone.. .. yeah supoosed to be soem sorta party..didn't happen apparently ...yeah I went home and just did nothing , I played solitare on my comp for like three solid hours..in the dark..trying not to wake up my roomate....I know I did this in reverse but Friday afternoon I helped lizzie move again some more stuff... yeah
Saturday..Man Saturday ...I went and saw Chornicles of Narnia :The Lion ,The Witch and the Wardrobe.( (with Lizzie) . man great great movie I'm telling you..and something I was major happy for waa that it was pretty darn colse to the book...and the visual effects were great so ..good , go see it....went to work.. ( a few hours pass) I get off of work after a long stupid night of doing stupid stuff for the pathiec night crew..I just dotn get how they can be that lazy..really.. but yeah anywho ...I got off work went to my friends house..hung out.. wasn't a lot of fun because some people did some stupid things...but you know it was okay.. and finally yesterday..err..today or whatever time it is now..
Sunday..finally got most of my stuff ready to move home...which by the way I'll be at on wednesday!..holy crap ..so excited.. but yeah ..went and finished putting lizzie's tv stand together..wow.. never thought that would be such a pain to do..but it was worth it for a friend.. work again...got off and me and lizzie went and eat pancakes for free down at FBC Canyon...all night panckae thingy for finals..we were bored ..went to Wal-Mart in A-Town..( by this time its around 2 am..) did random things like dance to old school rock...
...and now we have finally arrived if you read that much thank you..if not now your reading the end...so yeah got finishing studying and gonna grab some coffe before test start in a lil bit..ttyl
-Ross
( will update the great/not so great list later..I promise..)
Home....Tomorrow.. yes ...
Yes yes tomorrow I will be finally coming home for a little while..so so ready .. .really..just want to ba away form here for a while..
...and I hate residential lving and their effin RA's..im leaving with or without him checking me out.....
but other than that one more final ...and huzzah!..im on the way home..
and by the way..
"it sucks to be your feet.....ever"-Lizzie
so yeah ..updating timeso Im back in Kerrville , yeah that drive from Canyon seemed like it might just take forever but I did it in 7 1/2 hours so heck yeah ! When I got here I basicly just crashed because I was so tired . well on thursday I decided that I wanted to got see some old peeps so I "snuck " into my old hs and went to lunch and saw some of the old crew . Man good times, I forgot how much I miss chillin with them all..haha.. Friday lets see..basicly did nothing want and eat lunch with Brian , we caught each other up on each others college experince so far ..we both apparently suck at the college thing..lmao..Last two days work..do i need to go into any more detail.. ...then after work went to SA-town and got my christams present ..my parents are stil lgonna wrap it even though I know what it is ..the big dorks..o well.. ttyl..
okay okay, after much debate ..okay not really , I decided that I should update since its been about a week and a day , and thats a long time for me but anywho..
I guess the main reson i havent updated is really not much has happened . Really. Kerrville is still Kerrville . Work is still the same Work. The only thing that seems to be different here is me . I mean not only am I now in college but I feel like someone different . My view on things has changed since I left here . How may you ask ? Well several ways . One of the first things is that for the first time in a long time I didn't and still haven't rushed to see Kelly while I was here. You know what that means ? I am finally realzing that as much as I wanted that whole thing to work out better , it just didn't and although I did everything I could think of to advance it further, that it was really all me and I am not sure she ever felt the same thing..***Whew! Take a Breath*** Secondly, I have meet new people and friends in Canyon than the few I had here, and realize that there is more to life than this town in the Texas hill country and playing soccer. I mean I have meet my frat brothers , who I trust more than anything and I have meet a few other people , Like Lizzie , who are simply amazing , and way better than anyone I could ever meet in this town . All yall college kids from Kerrville are hearing me ..I know you are ! Somthing else I have realized sine I have been back is at least a small hopeful glimse of what I am supposed to do ..I know that I don't want to work at a grocery store for the rest of my life. Sure I may know the bussiness , but really its not that hard to learn. I just thought about it the other day while I was stocking and its not what I am looking for .
Well okay , Ill get off my soapbox for now I guess.
My parents have given me one more semester at this college gig . I have to pass this semester or otherwise its working for me , but I have a plan if that happens. Hoping it won't because I love it at WT and want to graduate from there.
SO...if you made it down here congradulations..
Im out ....
Okay Im updatin' so please continue on..
Yea..the last week was pretty darn tiring I tell you , most of it was working which depneding on day it was went pretty well..but I realized once again that I am not meant for the bussiness forever ..why ? well first of all , the work I do for that store is greatly underaprecited. Really. You dont understand. Basicly my entire job is making my boss look good for our District Manager . I ( pardon my french) bust my ass everyday , and don't even get another thank you . I just keep getting screwed over because I have a high work effort . " Osuch and such can't comein let's call Ross in.." Secondly, I do all the work of an assitant manager and get paid six dollars an hour , I would like to make at least a quarter more than that seven would be nice but I highly doubt it ...
Sigh..
Anyways .. .wow I have been talking to Lizzie a whole lot. Like every night on the phone they are always quite intersting and random so you know much fun . . and on New Years Eve when she called me , that was umm.. quite funny and awesome by what she told me at the same time.. lol
Today we had the annual amlumni game for my high school for soccer . Lets just say mucho mucho fun . Us alums showed em' that just cause were old school dosen't mean we cant score . We shut them out 9-0 , and I had two goals . O yeah. But I also caught the wrong end of a challenge for a header and my lip got busted open and is now nice and swollen.. O well still much fun.
So yeah thats about it for now..
Im out..
Ross
Alright so .. my lip is not effin swollen anymore. Bueno. Trust me its great. Because on this last week it was really really freakin swollen and it sucked. The only thing wrong with it now is a samll scab , so its almost gone but I will probably have a pretty good scar . O well , soccer players are hardcore . Anyways , you know what I think I am going to do here (and yes Bobby I am stealing your idea hahaha) I am going to write out some "resoultions" for the new year.
1. Get back into Condition: Notice here I didn't use the usal clique of in shape. Becuase I am in shape , I just need to get back into the condtion I was for soccer in March last year. Trust me , I know it sounds like I'm being concded but I have a right to brag . In March of last year I could do two miles in 14:00 flat or under . I just need to strat getting mileage again either on the pavement or on the treadmill at the a.c. so thats first get back into condition.
2. Get off Academiec Probabtion: This should probably be first , but I am going to have to work pretty hard to get off it and get my ass in gear .
3. Go to chuch more: Went to school and didn't go that often but there is a big long story about this which I dont fell like typing out right now.Got a question about it call me. But dont call and point fingers , and try to make me feel guilty about my actions and choices cause I 'll just hang up on you . So there.
Thats about it for now..well keep it three ..those will be pretty tough so..g2g
-Ross
Girls. They are freaking confusing. Really. But I am totally in love with one, that I think might love me too but I'm not sure. But yeah long story behind this short post ...im out ..
-Ross
WOW!...What a weekend. ...
Friday we had a birthday partyish thing for my frat bro Trey ...man good times , and I am glad that I have some awesome friends who take care of me and keep me from doing stupid things ...hahaha...
Well Saturday , where to start, things were pretty slow , until Saturday night came around. Man I went to the biggest party I have been at here at WT. Much fun , but the night quickly turned dramacitc as we ended up taking care of a 16 year old chick who was well past drunk and just wasted ..
but anyways.. im still um .. a little goofy as far as my last post went because yeah it still kinda is just ...
well
duces
-Ross

Ok.... a lot of poat run togeter deal wit it ..

tues oct 25
Does anyone else hate fire drills? Thats me jumping up and down the back and waving my arms. As ironic as this sounds, since I would like to be a fire fighter , these things are really really dumb. Honestly, if you were to stay in a building with the alarm blaring you should jsut stay in there and burn . Really, because that sound is truly annoying and very obnoxious. The reason for this is that earlier today we had one in our dorm, and there is no way that anyone could possibly sleep through that alarm. Now, I wasnt asleep at the time but several seem to stumble out that were and in plenty of time. So in all honesty I really don't think they serve a purpose. The only one they might is that of getting a head count and most of the time in schools or other wise no one truly knows how many were there . They only has estimations. Like Sunday for instance, the fire alarm went off in the Philidelphia Eagles stadium. Now, it was a false alarm but had it been I'm sure that even if highly choatic everyone would have made it out. They came in a door somewhere , they can find one out. All this talk about fire realted things brings up my quest to possible transfer to the Amarillo College fire protection program. Yeah I would have a lot of the core part done even if I transfered at the semester, since classes in college are by each semester in case you didnt know that. I would mainly have to take lab sciences and start taking my basic fire fighter classes. Then in about a year and a half or two years i would get my AAS degree than on to the fire academy in Amarillo. Wow that would be such a cool job and carrer. I could see myself doing that not only because I have always wanted to be one , but I would love a job where I knew I was making a difference. The only thing that really puts a samll damper on the situation is living arangements . I would have to get an apartement and proabably a rommate but I dont think that , that would be to hard. I know some guys that would probably consider it. But one thing I know is I don't feel as confused and scared as I did when I was making a decesion on post high school plans. This seems to give me a direction , a goal to work towards you know. Right now, I'm just sitting here like I said before , and this would give me motovation and focus. But well see, see where the wind takes me .
"Show me someone who doesn't dream about the future and I'll show you someone who doesn't know where they are going"
Oct 27
Alright , I knw this is goign to sound totally pointless. Maybe it won't we will just have to see. But here goes: Math class is dumb. No really, it is. Out of all the classes I took in high school and the ones that I am taking now that class has the least practical application of all of them . Now don't get me wrong you do need math even just basic algebra , but as far as Algbera 2 and higher maths go, nope no point what so ever. I mean when are you ever going to need to know the logarithmic function of a line out in the real world. I am not going to be an engineer or a mathmetican , so who cares! The state should change the core cirriculm for college so that you had to take these maths only if your major really required it. Since I have no major , instead of a math I would take classes in feilds that intrest me instead of sitting in a math class wasting my time. I mean take yesterday for instance all my instructor rambled on about was finding f at x. He did this for almost a straight hour, no fun. Here, whats next on my list. Ah , something thats seriously freaks me out. When I don't have class , today for instance I sleep in , not real late but around 10:20ish or so. I always get up and naturally I want to go take pee down the hall in the bathroom. But so far , it hasn't failed once, I have had to wait. Why is that you ask? Because we have one freaky female janitor in our building. I have never seen anyone take that long to clean a bathroom. Ever. Really. I think she just cleans in there slowly to see if we are willling to come in there and get our bussiness taken care of while she is in there. No I dont think so . I'm not stripping but naked in front of some old lady for I can just take a shower. Nor am I going to take apiss with her in there either . Seriuosly , this freaks me out a lot. Something else came up yesterday that might be working aginst me, its somethign to do with some money but I am going to do the best of my ability to get it taken care of. Well thats about it for right now, I was going to post yesterday but I deciced not to since I had pledge court and all. Thats where all the new memebers of Kappa Alpha get to go and learn about the customs and such of hte Order. Sometimes kind of boring but this is how the training of each new member occurs. So that being said had to be there last night.Oh yeah, I am like really super , you don't even understand excited about next friday. We have our fall formal dinner at the Amarillo Club and I have a beautiful date ;) . No , really. Its going to be a lot of funa nd I can't wait to go.
Oct 31
Okay, so this was quite the interesting weekend. The second in arow in fact. Well, since I didn't have to work until Saturday this week , I decided to go job hunting Thursday, like I woke up and said "I really need a new job.." don't really know why that came into my head but it did, so dont argue with that. But I went and applied several places and the next day had an interveiw at Circuit City and now I have a job there..so what's this leading up to..I put in my notice at Cold Stone. Yeah, it pretty much just wasn't cutting on money per hour or the hours that I needed to work. CC seems like it will be great, $7.50 an hour , heck yes, I'll most def take it. But the ironic thing about working now at an electronics store is that my effin laptop has decided that it doesn't want the keys tow work, I thought I got it fixed but now just the two middle keys, g and h for those of you who are checking , wont work . I'm talking this is super gay , cause I had to com over here to the computer lab and type my English paper. But that's about it for now, probably have more tomorrow I just got catch some z's
Nov1

Alright kids, here it goes for the day .. yeah until i get some money to fix my laptop , ia m stuck using the computer lab here at school to do most of my typing and all such nonsense. This really sucks , cause I really enjoy IMing you people and its just not happening right now. But yeah anyways , its Tuesday , which means that first and coolest today I don't have class which gave me such much needed sleep this morning . But I really didn't stay up that late last night , or at least it didn't fell like it , probably like 1:30 ish or something , I was on the phine tell like 11:45 so it was probably arounf there. ( Not that yall really care when I went to sleep) . The thing that sucks about it being Tuesday is that tomorrow is Wensday , which means I have pledge court for KA, and tomorrow I for sure have to have the defintion of a gentleman memorized . I really don't see the point in this I know what it means and I don't fell like I really have commit it to memory. But oh well.. Its gotta get done so this it well maybe.HaHa. I didn't do anything for Halloween last night because I never really do , its jsut something I really have never gotten into for some reason or the other . I just don't get the holiday I guess , so all I did yesterday was go to class from 6:00 to about 8:30 ish and went home called my parents and Kelsey and that was how I spent Halloween 2005. Yeah sounds boring I know , but both converstions on the phone were great which is highly unusal for me . I like talking to my parents when they can be civil and not just angry and yelling at me all the time on the phone. And I really enjoyed the conversation , I had with Kelsey as well, as I did the last two nights before that as well.....But anywho..thats about it for now..so later kids...
Nov 4

Well so here it is the start of antoher little tid bit in this thing we call life, (or in short a new post) ...so here goes ...well now we are offically 32 minutes into Friday and that my friends make me truly happy. Why do you ask? Well first of all its friday which means its the end of the week, which is awesome , you really can't beat that with a stick . Second it means today that I only have two classes , yeah thats right kid count em' only two classes, i only have to suffer trough 100 minutes of History and English than im done for the rest of the entire day, is that is the sound of great jubliation that you hear in the disatnace. Third , but not least by all means , it means at 6:20 this evening I will be picking up my amazing and beautiful date and heading off to fall pres. This one kids I have been waiting for , for about a week and a have so can we say that I'm just a little excited. . ...Yes not only will the dinner be great and we get a great view of Amarillo, but I finally get to see her again after like talking to her for the last five days every night on the phone for at least two hours , Tuesday night it was four , so basicaly as you can tell we both like to talk and about anything really..but talking to her on the phone... surely it does not do her justice my friends, no no , but seeing her agian in person will be awesome.Well thats about it kids off to watch a little more tv and then I crash until that alarm bell rings in just a few short hours....
Nov 7

Sometimes I just don't get it..this whole "life" thing . Yeah I know it sounds cliche' or whatever but it really confuses me so badly. Recently , fro instance, I really have felt nothing and seem to be apathetic about everything. The only thing that I look forward to each day is talking to Kelsey (as pathetic as this sounds) cause no matter what is on my mind she will listen to it , reagardless of how stupid and insignificant it might really be. Not only does she listen to me but I get to listen to her and all the beauty just in her voice. I love listening to her dreams, ideas and just about her day , anyting really in which she proves how truly amazing she is. Sometimes, okay all the time I wish that I were talking to her each night in person, I would get to see her , see her smile at me and somehow get that feeling that everything is alright. It would make our convoserstions more complete and filling then they already are. This whole thing might not seem all that instersing to you or such a big deal , but up until the last week or so I hated , really hated, talking on the phone, but now I have finally tamed my fear I guess and talked for literlly hours on the phone with her.Am I in love again? Maybe. But love is a word and an emotion not to be taken lightly or tossed into the air like a feather , for it might blow away. But I know that I do like her a lot and absoulty love talking to her. This so far is the only true feeling I guess you can say I have felt in such a long, long while. Everything else jsut seems null and void, useless to me. I have become almost emotionaly numb to everyhitng else. The things I do feel anything for are to the extreme, like there is a lot of things that I oh so hate right now. For instance school . I love the whole overall experince here but in the end it seems I have no goal , and nothing that I am working towards. The whole concept of academia right now makes me feel like I am going to puke , which I may well. Another thing that is driving me nuts right now is televison blaring and loud and just on in our dorm rom all the damn time. My rommate, yes I am pointing fingers here leaves it on either Comedy Central or FX all the time and we watch reruns of reuns all the time and it truly is an insult to my intellengence. I hate that I am disorgainzed. Nuff said there. I hate where my walk is at with God and that no matter how hard I pray that I seem to get no answer or guidance or direction. I also hate being out of the loop with my family , not being there and expected to now what is going all the time in a town and household all the way across the state. But in spite of all that I feel that Amarillo/Canyon is where i am supposed to be at this time in my life, somewhere deep inside I feel it and I think my time in the Texas Hill Country is through for now. This is mainly because I dont think that any of the realtionships and friendships I have formed here are on accident and that they all have some reson that they are in my life and I in their's. I cant wait until tonight when I get to talk to her on the phone again and to hear about her day .
.....and lastly I love falling asleep on the phone with you knowing that you will be in my dreams and hopefully I in yours.....
Nov 14

So yeah its been about a week since I've updated so I deciced that I better. Here goes....well first off I started my job at Circuit City , and for the pay I'm getting it really isn't all that bad. Good thing it's not on comission , otherwise that would suck , but the two days I've been on the floor I've sold something if only a couple of things, so once I get more knowledgeable about the products I will probably be able to sell something almost every time hopefully. Even when its slow there is always something new to learn or do right now so I'm not bored which is good because I hate being bored on the job. Secondly , I found out this week that we only really have like two and a half more weeks of actual class before finals , at first this was excting but now not so much because I probably need to start looking for an apartment next semester. I hope that all goes well , and I think that is what I supposed to do because I feel that way inside. Lets see what else..
Oh! Yes .. I went to Kelsey's last night to watch the Breakfast Club since she is weird and hadn't seen it ( no she's really not weird...well not that much..) but I think she really liked it, I've seen it probably ten times so just watching it with her was awesome . That made a great movie even better !
Wednesday is going to be awesome because it is our last pledge court for KA , and Friday I will become an active so no more gay little test to take every week . Whew , you don't even understand how glad I am that it will be over since we have been doing that for the last nine weeks.
Yesterday I started reading "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" , so far I am really really liking it and seem to relate a lot to the main character in the book. Its like how my life played out the last four and a half years so thanks Kelsey for recomending it kid....
Next week Thanksgiving Break starts and my familia is coming up here since I don't get to go down there mainly due to work , thats the downside of this job right now because it sort of requires me being around for the Holidays and not back at home . I intend to talk to my manager at Circuit City to see about the break and what I need to do there.

"I wanted you to know I love the way you laughI wanna hold you high and steal your pain awayI keep your photograph; I know it serves me wellI wanna hold you high and steal your pain‘Cause I’m broken when I’m openAnd I don’t feel like I am strong enough‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesomeAnd I don’t feel light when you’re gone awayThe worst is over now and we can breathe againI wanna hold you high, you steal my pain awayThere’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fightI wanna hold you high and steal your pain" - Seether

okay so dats bascily one update for da last month and all the craziness that has seemed to happen....i really really dont know bout it all sometines , but i'll be okay.....i just freak myself out sometimes over lil crap , that i base off second hand info... but to end all of this im puttin somethin from my friends xanga...
"I guess I can't say it all. I just want someone to relate. We don't have the answers to life sometimes, and the Bible doesn't either it seems. Somethings are out of our control and we just have to sit back and go, "Jesus, dude, I suck so bad at life right now, but I know one thing is real and it's you. And I want these answers, I'm not content with Blind Faith, I want truth." And then he kinda gives you some truth and you're so in awe of what you've just been revealed that you stop, speechless and in awe. Comepletely perplexed and stunned, eyes watering and heart throbbing with that haunting feeling that, even though you just got shaken in your soul, and it hurts a little, that you must have it again"-Bobby


-Ross

Musings

Sometimes I wonder If I am really supossed to be here, here at WTAMU. All my effort seems to be worth nothing. I try and I try and do the vast majority of all my homework and still nothing to show for it . I am seriusly considering either tranfering to AC next semester or just tkaing the semester off getting an apartment in Amarillo and just working . Trust I would like to live up here , because as much as I am frustrated, I just don't want to go and live back at home right now. Sure I miss my family , but just for the little things you know. But I really do wanna live on my own and get a degree maybe I just chose the wrong pathway to do it . Part of the reason I do want to stay here is I want something different than what I had din high school , new set of friends , new girls who aren't biased against me because they dont see me as being in their group. I guess I want a reinvetion , well maybe that isn't the right word, but to find who I really want to be without the opinions and judgements of others . Even though I have never wanted to admit it up until now and even still my choices that i make have been affected on what i thought somone was going to think or feel about me. I've always been on this pointless quest to be popular or in good cahrecter with classmates, coaches , teachers , friends , parents, whoever you know? So knowing that I now have this uh.... messed up veiw on my future i guess you could say, because I have relied so much on the opnions of others that I assumed that the world around me would quote unquote tell me what to do with the rest of my life . But know here I am stuck in a rut , undecalred major and just barely passing my classes . I'm happy to be here , but seriusly unsatisfied . It all just feels empty. The only thing lately that I thought would help me was having this girl I dated for a little while. The way it all went it felt like it would last longer andd go better than any other previous realtionship I have had.Man, was I ever wrong and know I'm left still searching for an answer. Something else as far as that goes there has been a glimmer of hope , but no need to elaborate any farther than that I am afaird ;). But if I do decicde to transfer come January , I want to go into Amarillo College's fire protecion program . I have always wanted to be a firefighter, and I still think that it would be such a cool job. Dangerous ? sure I know that , but it sure would be a heck of a lot of fun. Going into that program thre I think would also give me a goal and something to work towards , like right now , i'm just basically here , not to sure on where all these classes are taking me , but if I knew that I was working towards being a firefighter , then I would excel. so basicly what was the point of all this rambloing and such? The point is I want to be someone, and know what I'm doing with my life, I want to be independent from my parents, I want to be in love with a girl who really and truly wants to be loved like no other and is willing to love back, all and all ......

I want to be me.......

Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved? -Odysseus .."Troy"

I want them to remember me....

Cheers Darlin'

yeah im really bummed right now, the girl whom i thought was amazing and broke up with cause i was lead to belive we were taking a break for her grades, is now in another realtionship with her grades still in the pooper. But this would be her 1st , 2nd , 3rd....fourth boy friend in three month's since being here , man i hate getting burned and lied to ... but as i often do i will use a song to put into words how i feel...

Cheers Darlin' -Damien Rice

Cheers darlin'Here's to you and your lover boy Cheers darlin'I got years to wait around for youCheers darlin'I've got your wedding bells in my ear Cheers darlin'You give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears awayAnd I die when you mention his nameAnd I lied, I should have kissed youWhen we were running the reinsWhat am I darlin'?A whisper in your ear?A piece of your cake?What am I, darlin?The boy you can fear?Or your biggest mistake?Cheers darlin'Here's to you and your lover man


Cheers darlin'I just hang around and eat from a can Cheers darlin'I got a ribbon of green on my guitarCheers darlin'I got a beauty queenTo sit not very far from hereI die when he comes aroundTo take you homeI'm too shyI should have kissed you when we were aloneWhat am I darlin'?A whisper in your ear?A piece of your cake?What am I, darlin?The boy you can fear?Or your biggest mistake?Oh what am I? What am I darlin'?I got years to wait...


hey that pretty much says it...

welll...

***sigh**

Well that didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to ... me and Elizabeth have deciced to take a break , and it really really sucks. But I see where she is soming from and so im not mad , becuase I am having trobule with grades right now as well, but im really trying to work on them , i still think we could have a realtionship while we work on our grades but just looks like it ain't gonna happen , oh well .....
.....work is going okay its just one helluva drive everyday to amarillo and back its mainly the gas factor and they have me scheduled for way too many hours. I think this in part is becuase of the number of people who quit before we even opened , i think even our manager did as well , but will see how it all works out im supposed to have an interview for a on campus job , working in our campus "card" office . I hope i can get that for the schedule will be a heck of alot more flexible and i wont have to drive to amarillo everyday....
...but other than that college is going okay...im just bummed about my chica..

One day...

someday , im going to do it . I wish sometimes I could all the little silly details away and just live on the beach somewhere. I could easily do that and never leave. You know just sit on a chair and watch the sunset behind the ocean . I wish I could just go , just me and my girl friend go away to some beach , not even necessarily secluded , but just us the beach , the sun , the breeze. Just sit there ..Just live..Life isn't always about doing the craziest thing . Sometimes you just have to sit back and relax. I know what I could do , just open me a little t-shirt novelty shop somewhere in Corpus , or Maui or anywhere as long as its me and the ocean . Its funny but I h ave always been drawn there , drawn towards the vance expanses of water that surrounded the globe. I am going to learn how to surf , so I can just go cruise the waves. Oh I don't think you would no how much I would love just to throw everything else out the window and just live on love and the ocean . This might start to sound repetitive but its just something that I so so wish to do someday . I think that's part of the reason , I want to join the coast guard , so I can always be around the ocean . Its even farther away now that I moved away to college .It was only about 5 hours to the coast from Kerrville , so know its got be like at least twelve. I would also have a soundtrack that I would listen to , like the sounds of my beach life , one of those songs would be " Wicked Game " by Chris Issak. I love that song, its total sound the errieness of his voice and the crying surf guitar in the background, I could listen to that song over and over and over , I also would listen to Beach Boy albums, and Bob Marley, just smooth chilling music , nothing to upbeat in tempo, just music that I could watch the sun melt into the ocean with . And until a few weeks ago I would have never figured that I would want anyone with me, but right now I would take Elizabeth with me , just me her and the tropics. How awesome would that be , yeah I know it doesn't sound like a very productive life , but I would love every minute of it ,

1. Find awesome beach
2. open t-shirt novelty shop
3. find good beach chair
4. be with my girl
5. chill for the rest of my life

so thats about it someday it will happen

God I thank you so much for her..

Hey there all again its been once agian another wonderful excitining week , which it always seem to be around here . Remember the most amazing girl I told you about ? Well we are now dating and I am loving every single minute that I get to spend with her . I thank God everyday for her coming into my life. Other things seem to being going well , as we have started our offical frat meetings and all went well . Also I start working today at Cold Stone , even though we are not yet open to the public we are going to do some clean up work and maybe make some of the ice cream today so wel will see how that goes. Tonight I am super excited about because I get to find out who my "big bro" is for my frat , my g/f found out who it is somehow and will n ot tell me , but thats okay only a few more hours and ill know anyway. Last night I think I might of pissed my roomate off , because me and elizabeth (my g/f)were watching a movie and lost track of the time and he apparently wanted to go to sleep but he didn't say anything and went and slept in our lobby , the ra saw him there asked whay i guess and came down to our room and said i needed to take my g/f back ,...actually i was supposed to have already because it was past two a.m. , but neither of us were paying much attention to the time so , but thats okay I'm going to talk to my roomate and my girlfreind and see if we cant split time between her room and mine when we want to hang otu or whatever , but yeah it will all be okay, other than that gald to see that most have been on here updating , posting etc, so that means we have a lot of free tome on our hands i guess, well i have to go report for duty in Amariillo @ Cold Stone so will see, and if im ever there in NC i will have some of that tea...

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Ross Kyler Brown
Birthday:	July 9, 1987
Birthplace:	Amarillo,Texas
Current Location:	Canyon,Texas
Eye Color:	Brown
Hair Color:	Blondeish/Brown
Height:	Six Foot
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Scottish i think..Southern US lmao
The Shoes You Wore Today:	My New Balance..
Your Weakness:	short chicks
Your Fears:	Heights a little, losing
Your Perfect Pizza:	Well anything really
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Pass, good GPA
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	BRB or TTYL
Thoughts First Waking Up:	**Grunt**
Your Best Physical Feature:	my hair
Your Bedtime:	whenever I crash ..
Your Most Missed Memory:	Playing Varsity Soccer
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MacDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	Single..group sometimes
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Either or
Do you Smoke:	No..I like my lungs
Do you Swear:	Yes
Do you Sing:	Yes
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes
Have you Been in Love:	Yes..
Do you want to go to College:	I'm here..
Do you want to get Married:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Nope
Do you think you are Attractive:	Yes
Are you a Health Freak:	Not Really
Do you get along with your Parents:	For the Most Part
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Yes
Do you play an Instrument:	Yes..guitar
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	well i hav eaten some not a box
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no..why?
In the past month have you been on Stage:	yes
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Well kinda..long story
Ever been Drunk:	no
Ever been called a Tease:	Proabably
Ever been Beaten up:	Close..but i fought back
Ever Shoplifted:	no
How do you want to Die:	Go out with a bang..
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Great question..thats why im a Undecided
What country would you most like to Visit:	England, Italy,Greece
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue
Favourite Hair Color:	Blonde, Brunette, Brown
Short or Long Hair:	Kinda in the Middle, not to much on either end
Height:	shorter than me..tall girls freak me out
Weight:	Well not super skinny..but a good figure
Best Clothing Style:	Casul, but knows how to look damn fine.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	0
Number of CDs I own:	Well..like 60 ..plus the music thats on my ipod
Number of Piercings:	none
Number of Tattoos:	none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	ALot
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Wow..

Hey there all, man in the last week, I have meet more people and done more home work then I ever did in high school.. I know that sounds rather pathetic, but hey you know its the truth and lately things have been rather ironic. Last week , I did something that I thought I would never do , I rushes. For those of you not familiar with that term , I did activities related to joining a fraternity. I ended up getting into Kappa Alpha Order, and so far I absolutely love it. The friendships I've made in less than a weeks time are amazing, and for sure some of these will be the friends for the rest of my life. Also , well maybe its a little too soon to call it, but I met the most amazing girl , ever..Seriously. I met her in a weird way, but actually met her for the first time in person at an ice cream social we had with her soroity. I talked to her on AIM the day before for like three hours and I didn't even know her, and then talked to her for a solid hour and a half at the social , and then after that once again on AIM for like 2 hours. She is absolutely amazing and I hope we can further our relationship. But you know, I don't think its a coincidence. Wow but anyway besides that , I can't figure out how my freakin history prof wants her papers written, both times I followed her guidelines of what she wanted and both times I've received a bad grade, I just don't get it , yet , but I will get to the bottom of this LMAO. Thanks for the comments on the last post those always make me feel great inside. For those of you that are in college and don't have facebook,,you should, its like the greatest thing ever so go to facebook.com and get it . Jo, will you ever post again, its almost been a solid month since your last post, I love reading those things there a lot deeper then anything , I've ever written on here , I really enjoy reading them..Well that's about it right now..I got the job @ Cold Stone , but haven't started yet , .....

Hello agian
How is everyone? Life here in the past week cause God has totally rocked my face off! Really! I meam all int he last week God has renewed my joy of what its like to live for Chirst despite the outside circumstances! Wow its totally amazing. I went to the BSM freshman bible study and it was totally and exactly waht I needed right now inmy life , it reassured me that I am supposed to be here at WTAMU, and that God has something wonderful for me here. I mean so many scriptures that I have read time and time again are now becoming new to me. I cant think of they exact reference off the top of my head but the scripture in Isaiah, where God says that he has not forgottenus,for he has written our names on the palm of his hand. Wow that was just amazing when I read that! God has also placed a call on my heart that he had several years ago but I've jsut been running from it. That call is to be a summer missionary overseas and I looked up places where they need help and Greece just was placed upon my heart to do sports ministry there. please pray with me that this will be the right place that Godwants me to serve. Alsoplease pray with me that God will grant me direction in choosing a job, I have applied at two places another small grocey store here in Canyon called Lowe's and an Ice Cream place in Amarillo thats about to open called Cold Stone Creamery. I really liked the interveiw for Cold Stone it felt like it went well , so if thats were God is leading me I will soon find out I hope. Well I will pray for all of you , God Bless..ps.today marks the fourth anniversy of the attacks on the WTC , pray for those who will have a hard time today, and to help katrina victims third day is oferring a free downloa of their song , come to Jesus , so go to thirdday.com and dpwnload it !

yes check out for your veiwing pleasure..

Video code provided by HotCodez.com

Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go trough life

Hey there kids..yes ..yes I know its been a while but i've been incredbly busy the las tew weeks so I have an excuse so hahahahahaha, bu t anywho i've finally started classes here at WT and I'm reallyloving it. They actually let you think here and you don't have to give the answer that the system wants you to say. Its no longer about standerdized testing or any government standing its about you as a student and your quest for knowledge. So its really awesome here not only becaue of that but because people from all over the texas and the world go to school here. I've meet so many people and I'm getting involved in stuff so I can meet even more. Luckily my roomate is pretty cool and we kinds respect each other space. Studying is not hard in my room since he has class when I don't or vice versa. But another great thing is that this is my last class of the day . so whoohoo..let the victory jig begin , well ill ttyl kids

only days away

Here I am , just days before I’m leaving to go off to college and I’m scared and excited all at the same time. But what or where if you will does the fear come from? It’s not like I’ve never been away from home before. But never this long , all the summer camps I ever went to or trips I went on were only a week and I was so glad to be gone. And this time I think I’ll be glad to be on my own in a since away at school, a new chance for me too do and see things I’ve never done and thats the exciting thing I think. So I guess the word to sum it all up is that I’m anxious and just itching you know to go and explore on my own for really the first time and my life. But as I look back as much as I get from my parents Im a pretty independt guy already , I know how to do almost every household task you could think of like washing clothes etc, etc . So I think I’m ready for that part of life . The hard thing is it really wasn’t until this last year of high school that I really started to reach out and try to meet people, girls in paticular. It was I don’t know..a sorta fear of rejection thing in the past and this year I just found if your open and hinest with people and put yourself out there , most people will like you. And I hope that I can carry that postive energy into college and make a lot of friends and hopefully meet that one girl of my dreams.. Yeah I know t all sound’s crazy but that’s pretty much how I’ve always seen things , in my own little chaotic way...

today is the first day in twelve years no wait , 13 years that i havent started school along with everyone else , thats so weird im telling you, cause after that many years it was kinda routine you know , but now i dont even start class until next monday , so its like really weird , cause my brother and my mom , who is a teacher had to go back today and my dad had to work so Im stuck here all alone at my house well at least for only two more days...

Only two more..

well here i sit writing this on my brand spaking new laptop,yes the one which I bought for college and its so cool, my inside joke around here is that this one has sound, my familoes sound card on the family comp decideed that it dosent want to work any more so , i was like computers have sound? but anyway you probably dont find that the least bit funny because in written form its not really that funny , but anywho, i only have 14 days left before im off to school , man thats crazy ythis summer has gone by so fast, but im so ready to go up there and get my edumaction..lmao,but well see how it all goes i think it well go well because when i went to the new student conference I felt that they really wantedme to succed there , something I didnt really get from any other school, i felt that they really cared about you as a student and not just some number in their system, I also meet my roomate , he seems to be really cool from the few minutes i talked to him and the emails we've sent back anf forth , so i think i am not going to have any trobule aas far as roomates go..and since i only have two weeks left actually before i go that means that in ten days it will be my last day at Super S Foods, at least until the holidays when i will come back for about a month , or a little less than that and work there, which brings me to another point of this: that i thinki may have already gotten another job at Amarillo Country Club , working in the bagroom, which i used to do at the country club here in Kerrville so thats pretty cool , I might look for a job thats closer though , well thats about it..

short and sweet..but not sour

well here we go... haha ..well anywho im wrrting this because i'm highly excited about tomorow for I will be tracking up the the long never ending or so it seems roads of texas and will finally arrive after ten hours in Amarillo , where i have new student orietation at school..im am totally stoked about going to college its not even funny..although i know im going to have to study hard i know that i will have a good time...because it wouldn't be me if i didn't but will see how the trip goes and everything..well ..hmm thats about it today..okay put a fork in me im done..

Good morning starshine the earth says hello...

alright alright i'll post already....man had it been a weird two weeks...whoa hold on a minute its been two weeks! holy crap! what have i been doing...yeah i know that's what your all thinking and no to all of you who thought i was grounded or some such nonsense ..but anywho in the last few weeks...yeah on the tenth a day after my b-day..we went to a baseball game in round rock wich is like four hours away with the youth group..i saw this girl i had never seen before at church so i talked to her while we were at the game , and she wanted me to rife her bus back , she was on the bus with the tv's well i did and we enjoye dthe finer points of the movie ice age ...its a good thing i had already seen it if you know what I mean ***winks** , but anywho that was quite possibly the best bus ride ever and lets just leave it at that..well today i realized that in a month ...to the day i am moving into my dorm at school..so the daze is over ..well not really but we can say that ...of being out of high school..cause i mean it went really really fast, it's all kinda a blur looking back in hindsight and thinking about some of the choices i could have made right or wrong, and some of the girls i could have dated( wow that one always makes me want to kick myself..so here's a note to you all , if you get a cahnce to date someone who you think is out of your league so to speak..take the chance it will probably work out..once again i kick myself) oh some excting news wll sorta my blog finally caught up to itself and now says i have 49 post or something instead of seventeen ..which was really weird fluke i guess in the system...

i went and saw "charlie and the choclate factory" twice this last week because it was so incredibly weird the first time i had to go see it .. if your a johnny depp fan or liked the first version with gene wilder this movie is great and has a wonderful director Tim Burton i.e. Big Fish , The Nightmare Before Christmas etc...but yeah its defeintly worth the money to go see so grab that out of your leauge person as metioned above and go see it because you'll laugh and be totally tripped out at the same time..

well thats about it ..

18 candles ... jessica..and the dinosaur that took over LA

wow here i am .. in my last few hours..but no im not on my death bed..im in my last few hours of seventeen..and its kinda cool but kinda...weird.. yeah i finally get to do things ive never really wanted to do so big deal...but i do get to sign off on things without my parents wow tahts great...but besides that , I was really mad yesterday you know..at the frikin terrorists.. that bombed london, man , you know not only are you messing with us , but now there messing with our friends seriuosly uncool..but yeah that mad me mad but just pray for those injured in the attacks and the families of those who died ...but yeah , yesterday when i was at work i was talking about, okay that sounded bad, rembering somone who used to work with that was really fun to work with, and i can't say that about most people but i can about her, Jessica...and liek right after i was talking about what she used to do to make me laugh ,( im talking rolling on the ground, laughing) and she walked in , and gave me hug..it made my day really , it did , it was like th greatest thing ever...and no by the way this isnt the same girl i was talking, about in yesterdays post ...but i kinda like this girl but you know its one of those things that i'm like going to college in a month and should i establish a realtionship now ? i say proabably not although i can't convince my self of this , yeah i ahte being a romantic sometimes cause its awful tough on a person, oh yeah i was gonna tell you something i should of told yall a long time ago..but most of you already know this but MY SPURS WON !! MY SPURS WON!! yes the san antonio spurs have now join teams like the lakers, celtics, bulls, Horry has joined the elite few who have six rings, thats not very man people...and on top of that Duncan is MV-3..mvp of the playoffs for the third time...wow it was exciting ..well..and oh by the way i do live in crazy world ...its called my life

a divived man..a torn heart ?

when i origanlly wrote this post is wasn't a post it all I wort it down on paper , i was really really angry at the time and had to write something down so i could clear my head , and like i said before i was angry and in it i use some four letter words that i shouldn't have and so on and so forth ...but to not offend anyone who reads this i am going to very kindly leave a blank where the word should go ..yeah thats the end of the disclaimer

Today it suddenly hit me. I say suddenly because that's the way it happened , in just a instance. I finally realized thody that me and her will never be something more than that , two seperate things me..her .. I realized it when I showed up at the movie expecting it to be just me and her together, but she had brought some other guy to somehow be in "attendance" at our date..What the ( ) ! Did i miss the ( ) memo or something? Because i know if id a shown up with some other girl with me and i paid more attention to her than to my original date, she would be ( ) ( ) off and would probably say somthing to the eddect of " who the ( ) is she? you had no right to bring her..." But you know how things go right , its okay for her. And you know what? If I ever said anything about it she'd say like " What? I don't/can't have any other friends besides you?" She'd make me look like the bad guy, whiel she'd sit back looking pretty and feeling high and mighty . I mean it makes me so steaming mad, I wanna hit her , hard , but i can't because i wont let myself because i'm a guy she's a girl you know how it goes sorts thing. I just wish sometimes that I could stop loving her . And one might ask why do you love such a girl that would do all this to you ? Becuase in spite of all the crap she has given me , and inspite of all the times she's broke my heart , over and over again I fall in love with her. You know when she stands on her tip toes to give me a hug and looks into my eyes , and we lock glances , theres someting special , something that I've never had with someone else . And it tears me apart that in about a month , give or take a few weeks more, I will be moving ten hours away to school and I wont get to talk to her as much or see her as much, or feel the warmth of her hug. I guess that I'm at the point where I am stuck in a rock and a hardplace with myself that I will somehow have to figure out how to get out of because I think if i dont I will seriously be a divided man, if im not that already. I think i am that already , because sometimes like you can see above , i really really hate her , and sometimes i really really love her, ...my biggest fear is losing her , I can't describe it anyother way than this : when i know she's gonna go out with some guy i know is gonna hurt her and I know is gonna break her heart , I feel like im at the end of a cross country meet, my lungs are on fire I can't catch my breath , my legs feel liek jell o and i can't walk , im in a cold sweat..you knwo thats what i fell like inside when i think that she's gonna get hurt and here I am with open arms willing to love her for the beautiful person she is and yet she still fades away.....




oh and by now you have probably heard about the attacks on London pray for those there who lost people in the bombings .... http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8492258